Whoa so blogging... yikes... been awhile sorry about that... life happens, and occasionally it happens to me and then I'm waylaid for sometime because I don't know how to handle that. Then things like "Christmas" happen and yes its "Christmas" in "quotes" because it is "Christmas" for me because people like to just assume I'm Christian but guess what, watch out this is going to blow your f'ing mind, I'm not! Whoa... you don't quite know what to do with that bit of info do you? I know... its absolutely freaking mind blowing! Someone who lives in the Midwest, grew up in a small town, and has two parents that were both raised Catholic who isn't a Christian, WHOA! Actually I'm not quite sure what I am. These days I'm leaning towards somewhere between Buddhist and Atheist... we'll see where that road leads, could be fascinating. So next year I think we're celebrating "Yuletide" but I'm not sure how I feel about that cause according to Wikipedia... it also has religious connotations, and I'm kind of trying to avoid those; I hear they are contagious.
Oh right... you might be wondering about my title, I should maybe segway into that. I'm not sure how to segway from "Christmas", "Buddtheist", and "Yuletide" to "Give a Kid the Finger"? I mean they seem like kind of contrary ideologies... Peace and celebration Vs. flicking off a child... I mean where do I go from there... how about here:
So, there is this kid in my neighborhood and I'm going to tell you a bit about him. Once upon a ti.... no... It was a Dark and Stormy Nigh.... that's not it either... There's this fat kid in my neighborhood (ahh that's right), and he's a pill. I have no clue what his name is, we'll call him child F. He is probably somewhere about 8-13 years old, he's shortish, and rolly polly, think Augustus Goop from Willy Wonka... and I have a feeling its hereditary, cause I've seen this kids parents outside before and its like they have a genetic predisposition to eat Twinkies and Pizza for every meal (I shouldn't mock over weight people cause I'm in that boat... but I don't like these people, therefore they are subject to my ridicule). So, child F, is outside a lot, and I'm not sure what he does outside, cause its obvious from his stature that it certainly does not involve play. Child F's front yard has a hill on it child F likes to stand on said hill when cars drive by... this is the problem... this is where child F deserves nothing more than a fat, beefy, f*ck you middle finger...
Child F stands on this hill and no he doesn't wave at cars, he doesn't give a thumbs up, he doesn't do the "honk honk" signal, he doesn't stare blankly, and he doesn't even stand there like a creepy little children of the corn kid... no... child F stands there and yells obscenities at cars and flicks them off... I mean for real... he does it to people who have never driven down our street before and I wouldn't be surprised if he does it to mommy and daddy Augustus Goop too... I mean for crying out loud... are the cars offensive? Maybe he got hit by a car once and he's wreaking his revenge on all cars, I honestly don't know.
I've lived in this neighborhood and visited this neighborhood for at least 5 years and in all that time... throughout the year I get the finger from this kid, and he yells swear words and I'm just like "WTF?"... now for the first few years I thought it was kinda funny like "OMG, that kid is so broken"... but now, 5 years later, child FAIL deserves the biggest, showiest bird I can fly... however, since I decided I was gonna give him the finger next time I see him... he hasn't been outside... I think he knows... I think he knows I'm going to wreak my birdie vengeance on him... little bastard...
Next you hear from me... hopefully my quest for vengeance will be fulfilled. Wish me luck!
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